A Dad with No Chill

A Father’s Day with ever so little perspective

Happy Father’s Day to all of you.

This morning I read the Sunday paper cover to cover, and now I’m full of perspective.

I find myself thinking about how I grew up, in a deeply unstable family.

My dad was a brilliant journalist. At 28, he became the youngest newspaper editor in the US. He was also a violent alcoholic and drug addict who never resolved his childhood traumas. He wanted very badly to be a good man and a loving father. And he was, some of the time.

But it was my mom who was the consistent force in our lives. She protected us. She saw us through the ups and the downs. To this day, when I ask her about it, she says she has no idea how we survived it all.

When it comes to being a dad or a mom, perspective can be a tall order.

Seems like we’re always dealing with the day-to-day, the immediacy of things. Underneath all of that, there’s a worry about how the world is going to shape our kids.

I think we’re at our best when we let go of that and watch our kids shape their own worlds.

My oldest is starting college in the fall. So this summer is a season of letting go. Carla went through that same letting go with her oldest years ago. The tears still flow over it from time to time.

So yeah. When it comes to our kids, we usually have very little perspective. No chill whatsoever.

You will never convince me that I’ve done enough as a dad.

But in those moments when I do have a little perspective ... it’s not really about me anyway, is it?

So, give yourself grace, dads (and moms).

You’re doing OK.

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The Dad Briefs covers the civic, political, and quietly human stories that shape family life in America — with recipes along the way. Food, Fun and Fatherly Wisdom.