Goodness… I do not want to disparage an organization. Hopefully things have changed at BBBS… I worked there in my college years and saw negligence and fraud and in SF… in my 30’s, I had to circumvent them all together because the red tape was never ending and I knew there was a teen that nobody was choosing that needed me. I feel like the smaller and more locally run organizations might be a better bet. I am a woman whose father was in the illegal drug business in California. The lifestyle killed him at 38 (I was 9) or he would have ended up in jail anyway. My high school art teacher was THAT man for me. He showed me that I was an artist and also influenced my spiritual path. Im 54 and he is still emanating light and goodness with his beautiful wife in New Mexico. Society needs to make space for men be gentle, vulnerable and kind. Women play a huge role in maintaining these terrible archetypes. I have been guilty of it at times.
I was a volunteer Big Sister for years. My "little" was a new immigrant 9 y.o. whose working mother saw the need for another positive influence in her life. This shy little girl is now an adult with a big job in a great, historic school and she's also a wonderful mother and now a homeowner. When I saw the reward that comes from being a "big" I realized the agency had backwards messaging. Wound up working on the board to shift it to emphasize what YOU get as a volunteer. Boys are always on a huge waiting list. Men need to understand how rewarding it is to help a kid with attention, presence, guidance. It's truly one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Welcome to field any questions potential volunteers may have. Do it.
First, you're amazing and I love to read what you have to say. Admittedly, I agree with you about 90% of the time but healthy discourse is so important in these times.
I wanted to note for this article about male mentorship that I would challenge that men are volunteering less. Unlike when I grew up (in the 70's and early 80's), more fathers are involved in their own children's lives - volunteering in ways that never happened when I was young. All of the PTA, band and other school activities were always managed by Moms (for the most part) in my childhood but this is no longer the case. So much is being asked of parents (this isn't a bad thing necessarily) and our family is one of them. Through Scouts and Marching Band alone, my husband and I fill our non-working (and some working) hours just for our 1 child.
I do agree that we need more people to be mentors in our community and all the good things you said are true. However, I think the lack of them is not a lack of interest, but rather a new pull on the time of our adults/parents to support the programs their kids are involved in more and more every year. Just yesterday, our band parents meeting said they needed even more help. My husband and I looked at each other with the understanding that we were already giving (both money and time) beyond what we had to give and, this time, we would have to decline.
I applaud your push to get more to help in these times though. However, just as in Scouting, it is not just men who can mentor our young boys and men. This is a worn out tradition and one that needs to be turned in a new direction. When my son was in Cubs, more than half of our adult leaders were women and the one troop who stated that women couldn't be leaders was universally snubbed as a result. Our Troop has a healthy balance of both men and women and I would encourage you and your following to think about volunteering to assist and mentor both girls and boys regardless of your gender.
Thank you for listening! Please keep it going - your voice is so important!
Thanks for this, Karen. And of course it makes no sense to say that only men can mentor boys, or that men should mentor only boys. But more good men in these spaces are needed. That's what this is about.
Goodness… I do not want to disparage an organization. Hopefully things have changed at BBBS… I worked there in my college years and saw negligence and fraud and in SF… in my 30’s, I had to circumvent them all together because the red tape was never ending and I knew there was a teen that nobody was choosing that needed me. I feel like the smaller and more locally run organizations might be a better bet. I am a woman whose father was in the illegal drug business in California. The lifestyle killed him at 38 (I was 9) or he would have ended up in jail anyway. My high school art teacher was THAT man for me. He showed me that I was an artist and also influenced my spiritual path. Im 54 and he is still emanating light and goodness with his beautiful wife in New Mexico. Society needs to make space for men be gentle, vulnerable and kind. Women play a huge role in maintaining these terrible archetypes. I have been guilty of it at times.
Thanks for that testimony, Claudia.
I was a volunteer Big Sister for years. My "little" was a new immigrant 9 y.o. whose working mother saw the need for another positive influence in her life. This shy little girl is now an adult with a big job in a great, historic school and she's also a wonderful mother and now a homeowner. When I saw the reward that comes from being a "big" I realized the agency had backwards messaging. Wound up working on the board to shift it to emphasize what YOU get as a volunteer. Boys are always on a huge waiting list. Men need to understand how rewarding it is to help a kid with attention, presence, guidance. It's truly one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Welcome to field any questions potential volunteers may have. Do it.
That was a great shift in emphasis you advocated for, Jacqueline. Thank you.
As usual, you’re right! Thanks for another thought provoking topic!
Thanks Eileen — I appreciate you reading the article, and I hope you can share it with folks who can help or who need to hear it.
First, you're amazing and I love to read what you have to say. Admittedly, I agree with you about 90% of the time but healthy discourse is so important in these times.
I wanted to note for this article about male mentorship that I would challenge that men are volunteering less. Unlike when I grew up (in the 70's and early 80's), more fathers are involved in their own children's lives - volunteering in ways that never happened when I was young. All of the PTA, band and other school activities were always managed by Moms (for the most part) in my childhood but this is no longer the case. So much is being asked of parents (this isn't a bad thing necessarily) and our family is one of them. Through Scouts and Marching Band alone, my husband and I fill our non-working (and some working) hours just for our 1 child.
I do agree that we need more people to be mentors in our community and all the good things you said are true. However, I think the lack of them is not a lack of interest, but rather a new pull on the time of our adults/parents to support the programs their kids are involved in more and more every year. Just yesterday, our band parents meeting said they needed even more help. My husband and I looked at each other with the understanding that we were already giving (both money and time) beyond what we had to give and, this time, we would have to decline.
I applaud your push to get more to help in these times though. However, just as in Scouting, it is not just men who can mentor our young boys and men. This is a worn out tradition and one that needs to be turned in a new direction. When my son was in Cubs, more than half of our adult leaders were women and the one troop who stated that women couldn't be leaders was universally snubbed as a result. Our Troop has a healthy balance of both men and women and I would encourage you and your following to think about volunteering to assist and mentor both girls and boys regardless of your gender.
Thank you for listening! Please keep it going - your voice is so important!
Thanks for this, Karen. And of course it makes no sense to say that only men can mentor boys, or that men should mentor only boys. But more good men in these spaces are needed. That's what this is about.
Great, encouraging column, Slade. I hope there are men who read you who take this to heart.
Thanks Karen — I hope so, too.